🏡 What Happened at Christmas
On Christmas, something happened in my home that I let slide.
My true self — the grounded, clear, wise woman I’ve worked so hard to become — would have said something. After all, it was my home.
But I didn’t.
Why? Because all my kids were there. And they were getting along — or at least trying. I wasn’t about to disrupt that. I told myself I was keeping the peace.
But later, looking back through the lens of the work I do and the healing I’ve walked through, I realized something: I had slipped into an old pattern.
🧠 The Truth About Over-Regulation
What I experienced is what I call over-regulation.
It’s not quite dissociation. It’s being fully aware of what’s happening, feeling the emotions, even recognizing it’s not okay — but staying calm anyway. Choosing silence.
At the time, it felt mature. Even spiritual. But later, I realized the truth:
It wasn’t wisdom. It was dishonesty. It wasn’t peace. It was appeasement.
And it was damaging to everyone in the room.
💔 The Message My Silence Sent
Here’s what I’ve learned: Silence sends a message — especially to those doing harm — that their behavior is acceptable. That they shouldn’t feel bad. That silence equals permission.
But is that love?
What about the ones watching? The people who might distance themselves from me because I allow dysfunction in my space?
What about my daughter, watching her mom freeze instead of standing? What is she learning about love? About boundaries? About her future?
I want her to know how to be kind and compassionate — and how to speak truth in love. Even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable.
👩 👧Let’s Raise Brave Daughters (and Ourselves)
In my work with women overcoming people-pleasing and fear, I see this pattern everywhere. Over-regulation often stems from years of being taught to stay quiet — to not make a big deal, to not be “too sensitive,” to not overreact.
We learned to appease the offender so the holiday, the moment, the dinner wouldn’t feel so bad for everyone else.
But here’s the thing: everyone felt it. Everyone knew. And no one said a word.
That’s not peace. That’s collective pretending.
And I’m no longer a girl who pretends. I’m a woman building a legacy.
So this is my reminder — to myself, and maybe to you too:
Love speaks up. Love sets boundaries. Love removes people from the table when necessary. Love teaches our daughters how to stand, gently and firmly.
It might be uncomfortable. But like I always say: Growth always is.
✨ A Question for You
Where have you stayed silent for the sake of peace — and what did it cost you?
If this resonated with you, share it with another mama who needs the reminder. You are not alone in this — and your voice matters.